EU drafts new ‘riot taxonomy’ list recommending Brussels buildings to trash

American EU Dude

Jan 25, 20222 min read

EU drafts new ‘riot taxonomy’ list recommending Brussels buildings to trash

The European Commission, caught off guard by rioting in Brussels that damaged buildings in the EU quarter, has launched a new effort to...

1,125 views0 comments

Berlaymonster

Jan 24, 20221 min read

Ukraine crisis marks biggest turning point for EU since the last one

Russia's fresh power play over Ukraine marks a potential major turning point for the European Union, its biggest ever since the last one....

136 views0 comments

EU unveils further policy navigation metaphors

Berlaymonster

Jan 21, 20221 min read

EU unveils further policy navigation metaphors

There was a time when a Roadmap would suffice for policy watchers to find their way around the EU's intentions. In more recent times that...

227 views0 comments

Secret European Commission lockdown party ‘unbelievably boring’: sources

American EU Dude

Jan 20, 20222 min read

Secret European Commission lockdown party ‘unbelievably boring’: sources

A clandestine European Commission party held in the Berlaymont during the 2020 Covid lockdown was “astoundingly dull” and “definitely...

2,255 views0 comments

EU on track to meet target-setting target

Altiero Spaghetti

Jan 13, 20222 min read

EU on track to meet target-setting target

The European Commission is on track to reach its target to set 2030 targets for every single policy area, a spokesperson said today. The...

449 views0 comments

Martini Seltzermayr

Jan 3, 20222 min read

Berlaymonster predictions for 2022

Every year presents a string of surprises and 2021 was no exception. At this time twelve months ago, who could have possibly foreseen...

837 views0 comments

EUHQ imposes emergency ban on ‘gas package’ jokes

American EU Dude

Dec 14, 20211 min read

EUHQ imposes emergency ban on ‘gas package’ jokes

In a surprise move officials said was aimed at “preventing dangerous leaks”, the European Commission imposed a two-day moratorium on...

207 views0 comments

EU in disarray as Slovenia refuses to hand over presidency

Martini Seltzermayr

Dec 9, 20212 min read

EU in disarray as Slovenia refuses to hand over presidency

Brussels was thrown into disarray today after Slovenian Prime Minister Janez Janša repeatedly refused to accept the results of a vote...

1,540 views0 comments

'Gig economy’ proposal creates new EUBER app, redefines EU officials as ‘platform workers'

American EU Dude

Dec 8, 20212 min read

'Gig economy’ proposal creates new EUBER app, redefines EU officials as ‘platform workers'

In a surprise move, a new European Commission proposal to regulate Uber drivers and other ‘gig economy’ workers will instead reclassify...

1,024 views0 comments

Naughty children must be given lump of biofuel, EU official warns

Martini Seltzermayr

Dec 3, 20211 min read

Naughty children must be given lump of biofuel, EU official warns

EU officials today reminded naughty children that they can expect a lump of biofuel in their Christmas stocking this year, with new EU...

82 views0 comments

EUHQ developing new cliché to fight latest Covid variant

American EU Dude

Dec 2, 20211 min read

EUHQ developing new cliché to fight latest Covid variant

European Commission scientists are secretly working on a new cliché to deploy against the COVID-19 Omicron variant, after discovering...

153 views0 comments

EU boss turns back altogether on Christianity, embraces Satanism

Martini Seltzermayr

Dec 1, 20212 min read

EU boss turns back altogether on Christianity, embraces Satanism

European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen today confirmed she was converting to Satanism, doubling down on earlier plans to have...

968 views0 comments

Altiero Spaghetti

Nov 26, 20212 min read

Nu? No thanks, wokesters

By Albion Hardon of The Lactator Must we tear down our statues to Kent and Delta? It seems that in our woke age every variant must be...

611 views0 comments

Boris riles further EU capitals with blame for UK problems

Berlaymonster

Nov 26, 20211 min read

Boris riles further EU capitals with blame for UK problems

Boris Johnson has riled yet more European governments with demands they do more to solve British problems. Hot on the heels of a letter...

199 views0 comments

European Parliament votes to keep EU farm subsidies, but only for weed

American EU Dude

Nov 23, 20211 min read

European Parliament votes to keep EU farm subsidies, but only for weed

In a landmark vote, the European Parliament today agreed to a sweeping reform of the EU’s Common Agricultural Policy, which will now pay...

225 views0 comments

Shock in London as Tory HQ relocates to the Netherlands

Altiero Spaghetti

Nov 16, 20211 min read

Shock in London as Tory HQ relocates to the Netherlands

The British Conservative party is relocating its headquarters to Amsterdam, after a court ordered the Tories to slash their corruption...

172 views0 comments

Altiero Spaghetti

Nov 16, 20212 min read

COP26 consolidated outcome published

The final consolidated conclusions of the COP26 climate talks in Glasgow have now been published, revealing the true extent of the...

585 views0 comments

Macron unveils new social media platform ‘Le Livre du Visage’

American EU Dude

Nov 10, 20211 min read

Macron unveils new social media platform ‘Le Livre du Visage’

French President Emmanuel Macron today launched a new EU effort to counter the global influence and irresistible menace of Facebook with...

155 views0 comments

"YOU sort it out" COP26 leaders tell public

Berlaymonster

Nov 4, 20211 min read

"YOU sort it out" COP26 leaders tell public

World leaders have told the general public that they're just going to have to pull their weight in tackling climate change, because...

123 views0 comments

Revealed: The full list of EU 'tricks' to make football fans more climate-conscious

Berlaymonster

Oct 18, 20212 min read

Revealed: The full list of EU 'tricks' to make football fans more climate-conscious

The European Commission has spent 700 000 euros on a video ad to make football fans more aware of the things they could do to contribute...

223 views0 comments

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