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Euro-boffins near agreement on what 2023 crisis will be
Senior EU officials are within touching distance of deciding what the bloc’s official crisis will be for 2023, sources have told...
Martini Seltzermayr
Jan 9, 20232 min read
418 views
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Qataris demand refund of EU bribe money
Citing EU consumer protection rules, Qatar is seeking a refund of hundreds of thousands of euros in bribe money after discovering that...
American EU Dude
Dec 12, 20222 min read
931 views
0 comments


EU plans UK bailout under Draghi-led govt
The EU is planning a blockbuster bailout of former offshore territory United Kingdom, plotting a fresh comeback for its favourite topcrat...
Berlaymonster
Sep 27, 20222 min read
473 views
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GAS LEAK! Those EU energy-saving tips in full
The EU today definitively agreed its tentative-definitely-not-full-of-loopholes plans to cut gas consumption by 15%. A leaked document...
Martini Seltzermayr
Jul 26, 20221 min read
254 views
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BREAKING: EU leaders reached tentative summit agreement a few days ago
EU leaders tentatively agreed on a summit deal Friday in Brussels, potentially setting the stage for an ad hoc arrangement that, if...
American EU Dude
Jun 27, 20221 min read
304 views
0 comments


EU ban on Russian oil to include carve-out for Russian oil
EU plans to ban imports of Russian oil are to include an exemption for Russian oil, in a bid to secure agreement from EU leaders at a...
Berlaymonster
May 30, 20221 min read
233 views
0 comments


EU energy-saving plan includes requirement to recycle proposals
The European Commission released details of a new energy-saving strategy for the EU institutions that includes a requirement to recycle...
American EU Dude
May 24, 20222 min read
148 views
0 comments


LEAK: New ‘Helium Strategy’ among EU proposals to replace Russian oil
Details of a new European Commission proposal to promote helium leaked slowly out of the Berlaymont this morning, emitting a whistling...
American EU Dude
May 18, 20221 min read
119 views
0 comments


EU citizens call for exactly the kind of things the EU had in mind
EU citizens have said the EU should introduce the kinds of reforms it was already considering, in a shock endorsement of plans for MOAR...
Berlaymonster
May 9, 20222 min read
266 views
0 comments


EU to replace accession criteria with BuzzFeed quiz
The EU will replace its controversial process for acquiring new Member States with an interactive online quiz to be published on...
Martini Seltzermayr
Apr 19, 20221 min read
436 views
0 comments


Israeli spies puzzled by ‘inane’ contents of Reynders’ phone
Israeli spooks who managed to hack the phones of senior EU officials have pronounced themselves “baffled” at the meaningless string of...
Martini Seltzermayr
Apr 11, 20221 min read
303 views
0 comments


EU unity now measured in 'eucoseconds'
Scientists have discovered a new unit of time to define the period of EU unanimity following the outbreak of the Ukraine crisis. The...
Berlaymonster
Apr 5, 20221 min read
119 views
0 comments


Putin backs down after ‘tough’ phone call with Luxembourg’s PM Bettel
Vladimir Putin announced he is unilaterally pulling Russian troops out of Ukraine after being given a stern talking to by Luxembourg...
Altiero Spaghetti
Mar 24, 20222 min read
817 views
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Brussels Consulting Firms Stunned as Ban on Unpaid Interns Means Partners May Have to Do Work
Brussels consulting firms reacted with shock and outrage after Belgium was told to ban unpaid internships – a move that will almost...
American EU Dude
Feb 16, 20221 min read
195 views
0 comments


With Ukraine fixed, Macron eyes West-Bank, Oasis peace pact, and egg-chicken conundrum
Having fixed the Ukraine crisis this week, French President Emmanuel Macron is now turning his global statesman magic touch to the rest...
Berlaymonster
Feb 10, 20221 min read
103 views
0 comments

Facebook threatens to leave EU unless you share this post with five friends
Social media giant Facebook has threatened it will pull services out of the EU if you don’t immediately re-share this post, tagging your...
Martini Seltzermayr
Feb 8, 20221 min read
195 views
0 comments

EUHQ assigns random shades of green to everything amid colour-scheme overhaul
The European Commission today unveiled a major new design project for Europe known in EU jargon as a “taxonomy”, involving billions of...
Altiero Spaghetti
Feb 2, 20222 min read
500 views
0 comments


LEAKED: Ursula von der Leyen text messages to Pfizer chief
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen’s secret text message conversations with the head of Pfizer about how to obtain...
American EU Dude
Feb 1, 20221 min read
1,722 views
0 comments


The Weak Ahead
Commissioners’ Calendar Week 31 January — 7 February Gentle reminder to members of the press that the Cabinets of each commissioner are...
Altiero Spaghetti
Jan 28, 20222 min read
322 views
0 comments


BORIS ALLIES PLAY DOWN POO-IN-QUEEN'S-HAT CLAIMS
Allies of PM Boris Johnson have brushed off latest claims that he done a poo in the Queen's hat, which he definitely did. Witnesses...
Berlaymonster
Jan 25, 20221 min read
103 views
0 comments
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